My Wife Has Never Had an Orgasm and I Don't Think It's My Fault

By Plasticwrap · Man / Likes Bisexuals / Married

My wife is sort of a shy person and was pretty bashful when it came to sex, but when we first got physical I took it slow, let her give me red lights with no grief, and we were completely enamored with one another so she got over it quickly. Our first sexual experiments with one another (beyond kissing petting and making out) were mostly oral, and then much later we had vaginal intercourse. For the longest time I thought I was just bad at sex and she put up with it because I was her first. (Please don't flame me because she's never had sex with anyone else. I don't like the fact that we were high school sweethearts either, I know it's cheesy and saccarin and nauseating to most people, but it works for us.) 

Closing in on 3 years of marriage and 5.5 years of our relationship, she still hasn't had a clitoral orgasm, and I'm not sure if she had a vaginal/g-spot orgasm. There were a few times when I was stimulating her vaginally, hoping to stimulate her g-spot, and she, like usual, when I do this, complains that she "needs to pee." However, I eventually convinced her that was a potential precursory sensation to an orgasm, and let her do her thing. However, I (very, very unfortunately) admitted that what came out didn't smell good, and might actually be pee. This traumatized her (God, I'm so fucking stupid...) and humiliated her, and despite a good deal of convincing her that I don't really care, that I'll love her no matter what, that I really want to be able to give her great pleasure, no matter what it looks or smells like, she still can't let go of her fear. So every time, she insists on stopping what we are doing and leaving the room to pee. No, I'm not into piss play, that's not an option. [EDIT: upon re-reading this section, I realize that this fluid is potentially NOT pee, but instead female ejaculate. However, I can't convince her it's not pee, and I really don't want an odorous fluid on me unless I can wash it off quickly] And usually when she comes back, she's no longer turned on, so I have to warm her back up.

What's worse, she never masturbates and apparently never has, or never did it more than a handful of times, I'm not sure. In any case, it's definitely not a habit and not something she feels the need to do. I've tried to convince her to masturbate while I watch, or while I do it too, or to rub her clitoris during sex (something I find VERY sexy) or try vibrators, but she always declines. She once admitted to me that she thought the flow of a showerhead on her clitoris feels good, but we don't have a removable shower head and I don't think we can install one. She doesn't enjoy it when I play with her clit with my fingers, and it's difficult to arouse her to the point where it's actually swollen enough for you to see it, and even then you must pull back the hood. She complained it was too sensitive for the longest time, but after playing with it a lot, both with tongue and fingers, she doesn't complain about that anymore. However, each time I do so, she asks me to stop so I can penetrate her vaginally. She likes it, and I can tell she isn't faking it. She also initiates sex about 30% of the time, and not in an obvious way that I might think she does it to please me, but instead, for example, I'll already be asleep and she'll start playing with me and get me aroused so we can have sex, even sometimes where I'll think I dreamed it and she'll laugh and say "nope!" 

Lately I've been convincing her to get on top and rub her mons pubis and clit on me while I'm inside of her, and I'll help her move back and forth when she gets tired, etc. but she always stops and I don't feel contractions in her vagina, she doesn't act much like it was an orgasm, but more of a really intense sensation (I've seen girls have an orgasm in porn, and she doesn't look like that- I know porn isn't often realistic, but amateur porn is, right? maybe?), and biggest problem of all, I'll ask if she thought that was an orgasm, and I never get a yes, I always get a "no" or an "I don't think so" and when I asked her if she thought she's ever had an orgasm she said "maybe" and then "I don't know, probably not." I always heard that ifyou'd had one, you'd already know. So all signs point to her never having had one.

She has told me that clitoral stimulation is simply too intense, and the reason she stops when she's on top, is that it's "too much." wtf.

I've suggested toys a couple of times, and she's totally embarrassed by the thought. I even suggested getting a vibrator for me, hoping that I could just use it on her first. No such luck, plus I think it made her feel awkward and insecure that I might be bisexual. I excused myself, saying an old friend said straight guys can like it too (even though I have homosexual attractions on occasion.) 

To top it all off, when we have sex vaginally and I can actually last 15 or 20 minutes, or when I feel like going again (lots of times I can stay hard right after climax) she actually requests that I finish soon 90% of the time because she's "had her fill" and I can tell she's not really into it anymore. WTF

So does have anyone have any advice/ideas? I'm fresh out, frustrated, and frankly sad about this. It makes me feel confused and incompetent. And I'd skip any ideas about swinging or anything extramarital; like I said, she's pretty shy. And frankly, I think I'd feel threatened if she was with another man, and she probably wouldn't do it anyway. That's not to say I couldn't forgive her, but... And I'm pretty sure she wouldn't go for anything homosexual, even though I would be totally into it and she has some hot friends. She did once make an off-hand joke about having a threesome with the gay guy at work, (which I would actually probably go for, I fantasize being the middle of a sandwich) but people at work make all kinds of borderline gay and sex jokes like that, so she probably wouldn't actually be interested in that. (A boy can dream, right?)

HELP ME PLEASE!!!

Reload
TrueLoveSwallows

TrueLoveSwallows / Man / Likes Women / Single

Some women are frigid. I've only known one in my lifetime and no matter how hard I tried I couldn't get her to orgasm. She told me that it felt "nice" and enjoyed sex play with me but it never got her off. She admitted that she was frigid but wanted to please me. What you are describing sounds very familiar to me. You may simply have to accept that she is frigid and make the best out of it. In a way, you can feel fortunate that she has sex with you despite the fact that she doesn't get the same benefit from it as you do. You obviously care about her and want to make her feel as good about sex as you do and I think you have tried everything you can. Its time to accept the fact that it is no one's "fault" that she can't get off.

Plasticwrap

Plasticwrap / Man / Likes Bisexuals / Married

So you're really telling me that there's nothing I can do? Wow. I never thought that would be the response. Is there any way to convince her to try toys? Does anyone have any experience with drugs as aphrodisiacs? We were planning on having an MDMA party and I'm in the process of convincing her to take it with us, and I have a little 2C-B which I tried and was very sexual. I have high hopes for the molly.

Plasticwrap

Plasticwrap / Man / Likes Bisexuals / Married

and another thing- I wouldn't call her frigid! I guess you're using the word differently than most, but we have sex all the time now that it's summer and we're not busy. She seldom says no to me when there's not a clear time issue, and like I said, she gets horny and initiates sex lots of times. So what's you're point?

TrueLoveSwallows

TrueLoveSwallows / Man / Likes Women / Single

I am using the term Frigid to mean that she is incapable of orgasm. As I said before, that doesn't mean she won't have sex or find it pleasurable, she just can't orgasm. I find it very praiseworthy of her that she continues to have sex with you without being able to orgasm. She apparently loves you very much. That was my point.

TrueLoveSwallows

TrueLoveSwallows / Man / Likes Women / Single

Perhaps if you would read my statement literally, rather than assume the worst, you wouldn't find things to be upset about when there was nothing there to get upset about. In fact, if you would read the remainder of the paragraph after the word Frigid you wouldn't have had to get your panties in a bunch.

 

Plasticwrap

Plasticwrap / Man / Likes Bisexuals / Married

I've never asked for anal because I find pain in the partner a huge turn off, and I've never asked to cum on her face (even though I want to) cos I'm pretty sure she hates it and I never had to ask her to swallow, she just does it. Her boobs aren't quite big enough for tittyfucking (and no she doesn't have a child's body). I find squirting sexy on video and I think if she did it in the shower I'd have no problems with it, but she hates sex in the shower and that's because our shower isn't very big and and it's kind of easy to slip and fall. Fuck me, right? Today I got the best blowjob of my life though, so I guess that's a plus.

TrueLoveSwallows

TrueLoveSwallows / Man / Likes Women / Single

It sounds like she loves you and is willing to do whatever necessary to fulfill your sexual desires. She apparently is not resentful that she can't enjoy the same pleasure.

Plasticwrap

Plasticwrap / Man / Likes Bisexuals / Married

no, she's not. I think she wishes I would stop bringing it up. I think she feels broken or incomplete and sexually disfunctional, and that she can't satisfy me, which isn't true in the physical sense, but it really is emotionally unfulfilling when I can't let go of the fact that she didn't get what she deserves, physically (and not to mention I'm a fuck-up, so not just physically)

Lily Drakondia

Lily / 49 / Woman / Likes Men / Just looking

Don't bring her inability to orgasm up every time. Do bring it up once in a while.

 

Lily Drakondia

Lily / 49 / Woman / Likes Men / Just looking

@Plasticwrap, you have an interesting nane; because ... I heard if you wrap a woman's nether regions tight in plastic wrap, and wrap a Hitachi Wand to her after that, and turn it on, the vibrations are supposed to give the woman great orgasm. I have not tried it, so I don't know if I'm describing it correctly, but I'm sure it works well when done as supposed to be.


Airman

Airman / 65 / Man / Likes Women / Just looking

If she once said she felt that she wanted to pee; you should have not let her out of your bed; no matter what. That was a preliminary to her kind of orgasm. IMHO. Not all women orgasm in quite the same way. I think you said often she initiates the sex play and she swallows your load after giving you a blow job. She might be better after she has had your baby; perhaps, some time afterwards though. Sometimes women just want fucking for its own sake, the post coital cuddling and don't care about orgasming at all. I believe your apparently unselfish wish to have her orgasm is not unselfish at all. If your relationship with her is what you describe and all you care about are her non orgasms, then just keep on going. If she is happy with your relationship, it seems she is, provided you get everything you want sexually except her orgasm's, just be selfish cumming at or in her and be happy with her loving you.


TrueLoveSwallows

TrueLoveSwallows / Man / Likes Women / Single

The unfortunate truth is that some women are incapable of having an orgasm. We generally refer to these women as "frigid." I don't regard the label as an insult, simply a description. Many women who are frigid want nothing to do with sex because they are self-centered and don't care what it does for their partner. If they can get an orgasm, they don't give a damn whether or not their partner can.

In Plasticwraps's case, his wife still has sex with him regardless of the fact that she doesn't orgasm and is to be commended for that. She is not at all being self-centered.

While it is admirable that Plasticwrap feels helpless to give her an orgasm he should not feel inadequate or uncaring. Some women are incapable of having an orgasm regardless of who they are with or what he is doing. But he may just have to accept that fact that despite all of his good intentions, his wife may be incapable of having an orgasm and not worry about it any longer. It doesn't make him inadequate or uncaring in any way as long as he gave it his best try.

Airman

Airman / 65 / Man / Likes Women / Just looking

If you read what he said about their relationship, she is definitely not frigid. She just doesn't have obvious orgasms. She initiates sex play 30% of the time and that is not frigidity; it indicates that she gets pleasure from every aspect of sexual activity. She doesn't have an obvious earth shattering orgasm but pleasure anyway.

TrueLoveSwallows

TrueLoveSwallows / Man / Likes Women / Single

It all comes down to how you define frigid. I define it as being unable to orgasm. I believe it is fair to say that most women who are frigid want nothing to do with sex because they are only thinking of themselves and could care less about their partner's needs. Obviously, his wife isn't so self-centered as most frigid women but that doesn't mean she can have an orgasm. I am using the word "frigid" as a descriptive term not a derogatory term.

 

LaLaLove34

LaLaLove34 / 26 / Woman / Likes Men / In a relationship

I definitely don't think she is "frigid". She seems to really enjoy having sex with you, which is awesome. It seems like you are making her feel uncomfortable about her achieving orgasm, which is going to ensure that she never has one. It also seems like she's doing some stuff she doesn't really want to just to make you happy, and it's not. Go with what SHE likes and have fun with it, maybe she'll hit the right spot one day and orgasm, but it's not going to happen when she isn't into what you are doing or if she is constantly thinking about it.

Just some other things: Make sure she is well lubricated, it can make all the difference. While fingering her if she feels like she is going to pee and its uncomfortable you may be pushing too hard and irritating her bladder, which is right in front of the vaginal cavity. Same with the clitoris being overstimulated, you might just be touching too hard. Personally anything going under the clitoral hood does not feel good and often hurts.


Signup or Login to join the fun.


ASK A QUESTION IN THE FORUMS Ask about Sex. Relationships. Dating.


POST IN THE FORUMS Sex. Relationships. Dating.


G Spot Video

G Spot Video