How do I get my wife to enjoy giving me blowjobs?

By BigDaddy67 · 47 / Man / Likes Women / Married

I have been married for 10 years and I love oral sex, both giving and receiving. My wife on the other hand does not. She's started letting me go down on her over the last couple of years and I love the pleasure it brings her (and me, I love doing this). She on the other hand does not like giving me oral sex. I'm lucky if she goes down on me twice a year, christmas and my birthday. I love it when she does, but I can't enjoy it as much as I should because I know she's not enjoying it. I came in her mouth once and she puked then and there. This made me feel bad as I don't want her to feel like that.

Any suggestions?

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Bastagde

Bastagde / Man / Likes Women / Married

Well i think her puking may have set you back there my friend. I know that was not your intention but i cant imagine she would care to dwell on it.
It might be a good idea to relegate oral sex to foreplay for a while. This way she wont have to worry about the sperm for the time being. you can stimulate each other by 69 before intercourse. But her comfort level is key when trying to convince a girl to spice things up so if you going to try the 69 thing do it on your sides so that she has control for herself and can takes breaks when she needs too.This combined with your stimulation of her might be the thing to get her to relax more and enjoy giving oral more.

  • 1 Like
BigDaddy67

BigDaddy67 / 47 / Man / Likes Women / Married

Dear Bastagde, Thankyou for your comments, they are very welcome. I've only ever done a 69 on our sides once. We found it too awkward. I prefer to be on the bottom so she can grind on my face and at the same time control the amount of my penis she takes into her mouth. I don't believe in forcing anybody to do anything they don't want to. I would however like to persuade her to do what I enjoy and have enjoyed in the past with previous partners. I would go down on her hourly if she would let me, but because of her past (probably her upbringing) she's not that comfortable with it even though she admits it feels great (her words not mine). Her parents are very religious and oral sex is a no no.

Bastagde

Bastagde / Man / Likes Women / Married

Can i ask BD67 how is she about regular sex. Are the religious hang ups only about oral? In any case your in it for the long hall and you seem like you have the patients and care about this girl. Thats good as it will take time to get her past ideas she has held for many years. Find whatever way makes her most comfortable..be sweet and understanding and patient. if she is getting on her knees for you get her some pillows :)..you get the idea. Also as TLS said praise and appreciation is key...if she give you a bj be in a great mood around the house for at least the next week even if you have to fake it lol....show her that it can pay off for her in many ways. Negotiate but make it fun....tell her she can add 3 things to the "Honey do list" if you can add just one :P....and Your very welcome :)

 

Kate Luv

Kate / 17 / Woman / Likes Men / Single

Tell your wife what you have told us, that oral sex is really important to you and then ask her if she can come up with a solution to the problem. If she doesn't have an answer or is unwilling to make changes then you have to decide if you want to live the rest of your life without something you enjoy.

  • 1 Like
Bastagde

Bastagde / Man / Likes Women / Married

Very good point! :) Open communication is key. We all sometimes could use a little advice from time to time on how to deal with things or broach delicate subjects and though i'm not speaking of you BigDaddy67 i find some people who post are looking for ways to trick their partner into doing things for them and that's not how a caring relationship works. Sooner or later if you want this issue addressed you will need to talk to her and tell her how you feel about oral but make sure she knows how you feel about her before and after the oral conversation.

Kate Luv

Kate / 17 / Woman / Likes Men / Single

I love oral conversations.

Bastagde

Bastagde / Man / Likes Women / Married

Oh no!! The swallow post is spreading throughout the site :O

Kate Luv

Kate / 17 / Woman / Likes Men / Single

It's uncontrollable.

TrueLoveSwallows

TrueLoveSwallows / Man / Likes Women / Single

I love oral communication even when no words are spoken XD

JustMe ( Ice Queen)

Admin JustMe / 31 / Woman / Likes Bisexuals / Single

Lol. Agree with you there. Open communication and honesty will get you furthest. :)

BigDaddy67

BigDaddy67 / 47 / Man / Likes Women / Married

Kate Luv, thanks for your candid answer. Communication is not a problem for my wife and I. The problem is that I am very, very open minded and will try anything once, twice just to make sure, and, how can I put this, she is not that open minded. Even though she is 5 years younger than I am, she has a much older head on her shoulders and is very difficult when it comes to new ideas. Get the picture? If it came down to having to choose BJ over my marriage, my marriage would come first. Besides she let's me do other things to her. I just would like for her to do things to me sometimes too.

Kate Luv

Kate / 17 / Woman / Likes Men / Single

What things does she get you to do for her? Could you negotiate a trade ? A you scratch my back, and I'll scratch yours deal . Blowjobs for something she want. Maybe what she wants isn't even a sex act.

TrueLoveSwallows

TrueLoveSwallows / Man / Likes Women / Single

{BigDaddy67} I fully agree that your marriage is more important than a blow job, but your question was "How do I get my wife to enjoy giving me blowjobs." I don't think anyone implied that you were choosing between the two. Oral sex is in integral part of sex between couples. Either as a prelude to copulation or instead of copulation. We're just trying to help you make it more integral with your wife's love making repertoire, which is what you asked for help on.

BigDaddy67

BigDaddy67 / 47 / Man / Likes Women / Married

Kate, she loves it when I give her a back scratch. As for negotiations, tried that the first time, didn't work that well. I need something that is factual and hard to argue with. What I need is, is to talk to a lady who has had the same problem and has overcome her anxiety with BJ's.

BigDaddy67

BigDaddy67 / 47 / Man / Likes Women / Married

TLS, I was trying to inject a bit of humour, sorry, it's a bit dry and hard to understand sometimes.

TrueLoveSwallows

TrueLoveSwallows / Man / Likes Women / Single

{BigDaddy67} That is the problem with the written word. It is awfully hard to read inflection or sarcasm sometimes. Especially when we don't know the person personally.

Kate Luv

Kate / 17 / Woman / Likes Men / Single

Like I said BD you have to decide if you want to live your life without blowjobs. Question would she agree to an arrangement where you got oral sex from someone else ?

TrueLoveSwallows

TrueLoveSwallows / Man / Likes Women / Single

{BigDaddy} You have my sympathy. I love BJs and can't imagine a successful sexual relationship without them. In fact, when you have a woman who enjoys giving BJs and is good at, I would rather have that than intercourse. There are so many more things that a woman can easily do with her hands and mouth than she can her pussy, and its less tiring for her. I really do believe that the difference in the way various women feel about BJ's is primarily psychological. You need to find out what it is about BJs that she finds uncomfortable. Maybe she was forced to give some guy a BJ when she was young before she met you. Maybe she had too many friends saying "There is no way I would put one of those filthy things in my mouth," even though 85% eventually will and enjoy it. I wish you luck at getting to the root of her problem, and make no mistake about it, she has a problem. Her attitude is not normal.

BigDaddy67

BigDaddy67 / 47 / Man / Likes Women / Married

I do love a good BJ, but intercourse is the aim of the game for me. Everything before penetration is just foreplay. I went out with one woman who loved giving BJ's and the sex was great, but that's all we had great sex. I'm glad I'm with my wife, she's my best friend, lover, confidant and everything else rolled into a hot little package. Is it wrong to want it all?

 

JJ

JJ / 64 / Man / Likes Women / Single

Well, for starters, don't cum in her mouth again or you'll never get it again, that's for sure. Some women are grossed out by cum and there's not a lot you can do about that, at least not at the moment.

One of the reasons many women are turned off by blowjobs is the idea that oral sex is impure, dirty and even disgusting. This is usually spawned from religious beliefs or really bad experiences with previous partners. Another reason some women aren't too excited about giving men oral sex is that they think they don't have the skills to properly please a man.

You need to talk to her and find out what her objection is before you can even begin to have a solution. But if we assume she is disgusted with the whole idea, there are things that might turn her around.

First, the cleaner and tastier a dish looks, the greater your appetite grows, right? Well, the same applies here. Make sure to properly clean your genitals and trim your pubic hair. Don't use cologne or sprays down there, it tastes like shit! A scented body wash is sufficient.

To help with the taste, some women use breath strips or their favorite flavor hard candy. Anything will do that keeps a pleasant taste in her mouth. The idea is to create an environment for her that is clean, smells good and tastes good, this takes away the stigma of it being dirty and nasty. Works for me.

BigDaddy67

BigDaddy67 / 47 / Man / Likes Women / Married

Thanks JJ, most of what you said I know already, especially the first line. lol. The reason why she doesn't like giving BJ's is that she thinks that it is a power thing for men. I have explained to her that that is not the case with me and that I just enjoy the feelings and sensations of her mouth on my body, especially when it's on my penis. It took a lot of convincing to get my first BJ from her and I thought we were making progress until I came in her mouth. I warned her that I was about to come and we discussed this in detail before hand. Another thing is that she says is that she doesn't like the taste (I take a few different medications which could affect the taste I'm sure). I like the ideas put forward that would help with the taste and will try to talk to her about that. She does have a bad gag reflex which could also be a factor if she was to try deep throat, but I'm not trying to push for that because that would be a loosing battle at this stage of our marriage. Thanks for your input.

JJ

JJ / 64 / Man / Likes Women / Single

The power thing can work both ways. Some women like blowjobs because they feel they have the power of giving maximum erotic sensation to a man. Have you ever withheld something from her unless she gives you a bj? That is often a big mistake with some women because they feel you are using them for sex like a whore. Also, don't push her head down on your cock or try to ram it in too deep, this feels like abuse to some women. I wouldn't make a big fuss about it when she does give you a bj, saying things like, 'I love when you do this to me' and stuff will only make her think that this is ALL you like about her and further turn her off. It's a psychological game you will have to play with her to turn her around and only you know best how to do that best.

Bastagde

Bastagde / Man / Likes Women / Married

I disagree...leave mind games out of it...Honesty is best. They have been together for ten years she must know he loves her in-spite of not getting oral..He will only love her more if she was doing it. @Bd67 does she consider herself to be the powerful one when you go down on her or does she just accept your trying to please her?

JJ

JJ / 64 / Man / Likes Women / Single

You, me and everyone else on this planet play psychological games everyday, I think you realize that. I'm not talking about malevolent deception, I'm talking about a little gentle persuasion. Ever tried it with your wife?

Bastagde

Bastagde / Man / Likes Women / Married

Sure everybody me included has played psychological games but its not something i do with my partner. I have always been honest with her and just ride out the storm if that has consequences. I did suggest that he does Ham it up a bit and let her know that he is grateful. When your going down on your partner do you want to hear silence? I would think not..We all want to feel that we are good lovers. Praise is the only form of gentle persuasion that i use with my partner. The better she feels about herself when she is doing things for you the better off you are imho cheers

JJ

JJ / 64 / Man / Likes Women / Single

Some soft moaning and gentle writhing is enough to get the point across clearly enough, sometimes 'hamming it up' or gushing too much over the deed comes off as a bit too contrived, insincere and most of all self-serving.

Bastagde

Bastagde / Man / Likes Women / Married

Only if your a bad actor lol...and of course its self serving asking her for a blowjob when she obviously doesn't like giving them to you is self serving...were past that point already. Hamming it up a bit by showing a little more appreciation should be par for the course at this point. Not showing gratitude for her efforts I think trivializes the act and runs the higher risk of becoming problematic in the long run. At least until she get comfortable with oral.

JJ

JJ / 64 / Man / Likes Women / Single

She could also have a fear of getting so good at it that he will want it more and more frequently until it's the only thing he will want!!...Lol

Bastagde

Bastagde / Man / Likes Women / Married

LOL

BigDaddy67

BigDaddy67 / 47 / Man / Likes Women / Married

JJ, Hmm? That's possible, but not likely. She knows how I feel about sex and everything else, and knows that I love to eat her pussy almost as much as I like pounding it from all sorts of angles.

 

TrueLoveSwallows

TrueLoveSwallows / Man / Likes Women / Single

From what I have read and try to practice myself, the most important thing is for you to praise her for doing it. Tell her how good she is at it. Tell her how great she makes you feel. Let her know that her oral skills are what make her love making skill so special to you. Sometime afterwards, it also helps to casually mention how good she made you feel when she does not feel immediately obligated to do it for you. Praise can go a long way towards making her want to do it again to show you how good she is and receive even more praise.

As for her puking when you came in her mouth, it is clear that she has been brain washed into thinking swallowing is something awful. It is definitely a mental problem with her, it is not the taste of your cum. It is a real shame when women have preconceived notions that they will hate something even before trying it. Worse, it may be the reason she is so reluctant to give you a BJ now because she fears you will cum in her mouth again. First, convince her that you didn't realize how much she objected to it and that it will never happen again unless she tells you to do it. Together with the praise, this should go a long way toward you getting more head.

Then, after she becomes comfortable with and enjoys looking forward to giving you head, you have to go to work on her getting real about swallowing your cum. There have to be an endless number of articles on the Net that confirm that sperm is very clean and wholesome. Sometimes it can taste better than others but at no time will it ever taste as bad as the medicine she used to take a tablespoon of when she was ill.

Finally, there is a video on this site where Heaven explains why swallowing cum is nothing that any woman should fear. In fact, Heaven gives us a lot of reasons that a woman should feel good about swallowing cum. I highly suggest you watch it first and then introduce her to it. Sometimes, hearing it from another woman who has no problem with it will at least enable her to re-evaluate her dislike for it and see that it is groundless.

For what it is worth, I have never been with a woman who didn't swallow. The first time I get a BJ from a woman I will tell her when I am close to cuming so that she can decide where she wants the sperm to go. I can honestly say not one of them pulled away. I've even been with a girl who had no prior experience giving head and wanted me to help her learn how. After she got all the moves down I explained to her that at some point, because she is doing such a good job, she is going to make me cum. At that point she can give me an immense thrill and great satisfaction by not interrupting the action and continue through the swallowing process. However, should she choose not to swallow, decide where she wants it to go. The first time I told her I was about to cum she kept her mouth on my dick and used her hand to stroke me to show me that she was ready. Based upon my own personal experience, women who say they won't swallow are an enigma to me. It requires such a small effort from her when compared to the pleasure it brings a man.

Bastagde

Bastagde / Man / Likes Women / Married

Completely agree about the praise thing. It is of tremendous importance..Just like teaching a child to ride a bike "YOUR DOING IT!" lol..not to be an ass but you get the point :) . As far as the swallowing goes it is almost always preferable to the male but some people cant stand the texture of eggs in there mouth lol..So its not for everybody but she may just have genuinely been caught off guard by the volume of sperm. She did after all agree to try it once.....I mean she did right?...you didn't just pop in her mouth without any warning....did you?

TrueLoveSwallows

TrueLoveSwallows / Man / Likes Women / Single

I still believe that not wanting to swallow is a mental hangup. I have heard some say it is the texture that bothers them. I don't agree. They are only using that as an excuse. They eat a lot of things that have unsual textures. Think of peanut butter, it is sticky and wants to cling to our mouths, which sometimes makes it difficult to swalow. Millions of people eat yogurt. Some cum tastes better than others but I really don't think any of it taste bad. Different than what they are used to, yes. But not bad. I remember the first time I drank scotch. It tasted like medicine to me and I couldn't imagine why anyone would drink it. Then I heard it was an acquired taste and something I had to get used to. And they were right. Like so many other foods I didn't care for at first, I later came to really enjoy them. I wholeheartedly agree with you on never making it a surprise. I would imagine that when a woman first starte giving BJs and had someone unexpectantly cum in her mouth, it was a shocking surprise that she may have thought was piss. That is the primary reason I always tell a girl that I'm coming the first time she gives me a BJ. That is for her benefit to make a choice but also know that what is coming is not piss. I also like to tell them because when they continue on anyway and swallow it is even a bigger turn on knowing that she wants to do it knowing how good it will make me feel. She is willing to make a small sacrifice to bring me a tremendous amount of pleasure. And isn't that what sex is supposed to be all about anyway? We have to expend time and energy to do something very pleasurable for our partners and ourselves if our mind is in the right place. Let us not forget that some women love having a guy cum in their mouth. It is like physical proof to them how great they were able to make them feel. A guy can't fake an orgasm while coming in her mouth.

Bastagde

Bastagde / Man / Likes Women / Married

I agree again TlS that it is something that over time she would get used to and possibly even learn to enjoy but we can forgive a first timer a rookie mistake cant we :)...btw for me its whiskey...I don't drink hardly ever anymore but when i do its whiskey.

TrueLoveSwallows

TrueLoveSwallows / Man / Likes Women / Single

I hear that porn stars get a small bonus if they swallow. Its too bad that the neysayers can't be inspired to do it for the bonus of knowing how much more pleasure they are bringing their man.

BigDaddy67

BigDaddy67 / 47 / Man / Likes Women / Married

Bonus? Did someone say bonus? Who do I pay?

JJ

JJ / 64 / Man / Likes Women / Single

It's true, female porn stars were paid extra for going 'above and beyond' in some sex scenes. They got paid extra for anal, swallowing and DP in particular but nowadays there are so many girls who do it that it's pretty standard and even expected.

 

Lily Drakondia

Lily / 48 / Woman / Likes Men / Just looking

Does she like fruit? Cover yourself in fruit maybe.

Kate Luv

Kate / 17 / Woman / Likes Men / Single

Or whipped cream.

Lily Drakondia

Lily / 48 / Woman / Likes Men / Just looking

Even better! :) Ohh yeah! lol

Kate Luv

Kate / 17 / Woman / Likes Men / Single

Or both, I'm thinking a

Kate Luv

Kate / 17 / Woman / Likes Men / Single

Or both, I'm hungry now. A big banana and some whipped cream would be yummy.

Lily Drakondia

Lily / 48 / Woman / Likes Men / Just looking

I should do the same. Sounds great for this time of the evening ..I think I will at midnight. Never go without a banana in the house.

 


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