Sex, with my wife has not been the same since she was wounded in Iraq

By USMARINE99 · 30 / Man / Likes Men / Single

My wife and I have little time together with 3 adopted daughters and my military career. So when we are together we have to make it count. I really dont care how good it is for me I just want it better for her. She returned from Iraq several monthes ago wounded. She lost her right leg at the knee and right arm at the shoulder. Her broken ribs have now healed so we can really play a little more.

The problem is before we always had sex with her ontop any postion were she was in full control. She was raped a few years back and when shes not in control she has some flashbacks and its horrible for her. She cant do what she use to because of well.....her balance is not the best and she just cant phisically do what she likes when it comes to moving around.

She has addmitted she avoids sex now, and wants it really bad. She has always been a horny wife most of the time and still is. Its just really hard to watch her with her hard nipples(as there only hard wehn shes horny and its hard not to notice) and that look of I guess you could say I want to be fucked but theres no point in it. She feels bad, and is mentally beating herself up about it.

Since ive known her she has had a very poor gag reflex. She feels even worse about that.

She does not like oral sex, or being fingered. She is a vey simple "fu(k me in the pussy and thats it" type woman. She likes one thing and one thing only. Its hard to please her now because of that.

We have branched off into anal, oral and toy play a little. It just doesnt do the same for her.

I know our sex life wont be the same but I want her to at least have a few orgasms before ime deployed oversees again. I dont care if its what I like or not, I just want her to be happy.

Any tips, or tricks

Reload
Lady Teardrop

Lady / Woman / Likes Men / Single

thats hard. and being deployed is always hard and coming back injured really puts a damper on the relationship, but you need to talk to her and tell her how you feel, make her feel comfortable, and i know it might take time but it could be worth it.

-source MARINE BRAT & ARMY BRAT and having my baby in the marines as well.


Booboo

Booboo / Woman / Likes Men / Single

Words are inadaquate at times like this.

What she, you, and your family has sacrificed for this country is beyond anything most of us can imagine.
It sounds too soon to expect the wounds to heal enough, and the emotional scars may last years.
It's only been several months, it may need way more time. Give her your support, patience and love.

Try different things, knowing some of them will not work. Keep trying. Don't give up. You both can find pleaseure, joy and happiness, just keep going. Time doesn't heal the wounds, we just get used to them. Careful of the drugs and alcohol.

She may need to learn how to masterbate herself to orgasm to get started. The Rabbit vibrator works for some. She may not feel like it, but orgasms help with pain and elevate mood. It couldn't hurt.

When the time does come, she may find a sex swing helpful. You know, one of those slings that hangs from the ceiling? Try some bondage shops online. It may need some customization. And she'll want some sort of leverage to push and pull with her good arm and leg. Or maybe you get in the swing?
There are some that fit over doors, some with stands, some that strap the woman to the man.
http://www.google.com/search?q=sex+swings
(It's to help Mommy get in and out of bed or sleep better, right?)

You will learn how to have sex in different ways. You'll get it. They say the mind is the biggest sexual organ. I guess you are about to find out if that's true. Over time she'll learn what feels good and what doesn't. It's not going to be easy. "When you are going through hell, for God's sake, keep going!"

For as little help as they may be, there are some books about sex here:
http://www.amputee-coalition.org/nllic_topic/0808_womens_issues.html

We'll keep looking. Come back here again and we'll see what we can come up with.

...and let's face it, lots of couples don't get any sex after getting married and having kids. Maybe you are just going to be a normal family after all.


AskMyGF

AskMyGF / 24 / Woman / Likes Men / Single

Wow, I extend my condolences to you and your family. The rape is a big enough hurdle to overcome, but the injuries on top of that make this situation beyond tricky. From a personal perspective, I was in a car accident a month and a half ago and had a severely broken pelvis, along with several other issues. While it's not the same sort of injury by any means, it did leave me without the ability to have sex for awhile. I've been on that horny but can't do anything about it side. It sucks - badly - and I can only imagine what your wife is going through.

For me, it literally made me happy, like orgasmically happy, to see my husband pleased. Even though I couldn't do the vast majority of the things we were used to, I found creative ways to blow him to at least keep the mood going until I got better. You mentioned her bad gag reflexes, but there are ways around it. For instance, do you like your balls to be scratched? If so, she can nibble on them and scratch with her hands at the same time and it'll feel like a million fingers running around down there. You could cum without ever being in her mouth...

Creative blow jobs aside, you may just have to find new positions that allow her to be in control without being fully on top. You could sit at the edge of the bed and have her wrapped around you so that you support her body but she can hump at will. If you have tried toys, then maybe you could use some different ones and see if they work better for her. Rabbit vibes are great for any woman, and vibrating cock rings are fun for both partners when used the right way. Oh oh oh! You could have sex in the water :) She could actually be on top that way since the water would hold her weight for her. If you have access to a pool, hot tub, or large bathtub, I'd strongly recommend you try that.

Overall, I do wish you the best with your wife's healing and deployment. Take care.


Booboo

Booboo / Woman / Likes Men / Single

In thinking more about this... You need to remember that for many women, it's not all about the goal of orgasm. It's different for guys, where it's all about the orgasm.
Romance novels have thousands of words. Penthouse has few.
Woman need a good relationship so they can have good sex. Men need sex so they can have a good relationship.

So, remember her needs may be very different than yours. And her needs may now be different than before.
You may need to seduce her all over again, and in the process learn together how she has changed.

Maybe read her some stories. Talk to her. Use the words to make sexual contact with her mind.
Lots of woman love their vibrators.
Skin to skin contact, erotic massage.

Also remember she's dealing with a loss you may never understand.
And it's only been a few months. Give her time.


Booboo

Booboo / Woman / Likes Men / Single

Heaven, that's brilliant. Being in water sounds like a really good idea. (After wounds heal so nothing gets infected.)


AskMyGF

AskMyGF / 24 / Woman / Likes Men / Single

Well thanks Boo Boo. I have my occasionally-semi-brilliant-ish moments every now and again :)


USMARINE99

USMARINE99 / 30 / Man / Likes Men / Single

Yes, we have/are communicating about what she likes. She has said it many times that she just wants to "have a great orgasm"

and well....she loves viberators as much as an orgasm and deffinitly we use them to the full effect

I try to tell her not to feel bad about her rarely making me cum....witch isnt that big of a deal as long as she likes it. She is not open to a pedd egg or any other masterbation toys as she feels "i have a dam pussy for a reason" its just well positions....dont work well and both me and her have always lasted a long time so that doesnt help either

thanks guys


Booboo

Booboo / Woman / Likes Men / Single

Understood. I wrote some organizations that work with people in this situation, and may or not hear back from them. Certainly they would have more experience and better advice than Heaven or I. If we get anything more, we'll certainly post it here. Not to be crude, but with all your wife has given, does she have to give up orgasms too? It would be such a shame. Maybe we could get a $20,000,000 pentagon grant to study the problem :-))
That would be a lot of hookers and a lot of blow!

"i have a dam pussy for a reason" She sounds like a hoot. I wish you and your family all the best. Come back sometime just in case we get lucky.


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