make jerking off better?

By Alwayshorny · Woman / Likes Men / Single

I'm a 16 year old guy, and I want to make my orgasms better! I've been jerking off for 3 years, and its getting kinda boring now. How can I make it better?

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AskMyGF

AskMyGF / 24 / Woman / Likes Men / Single

Ah, 16..not old enough for toys just yet :) I'd try using some different household products for lube to see if anything feels better than just your hand. There's always the option of jerking in the shower, but I'm sure you've explored that and then some.

You legally can't buy porn or even watch it, but we all know what happens with 16 year old boys...Look for some new fetishes you may have not explored yet and see if anything tickles your fancy. You may really be into cumshots and not know it, or you may even...dare I say...like GAY porn. Gasp!

Just do a little digging when you can to find some new things to fantasize about. Then when you turn 18, hit the nearest adult novelty shop and have a blast :)


Booboo

Booboo / Woman / Likes Men / Single

JESUS CHRIST! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU KIDS TODAY?

No imagination, no creativity, no problem solving skills, no independence, no drive, no interest, no ambition...
Fucked up risk assessment skills, no ability to reason... Can't even scroll down the page and read other masterbation questions, or click on the link that says "Masterbation" or search this website for masterbation tips, let alone searching the ENTIRE FUCKING INTERNET FULL OF INFORMATION ABOUT EVERY FUCKING THING ON THE ENTIRE FUCKING PLANET!

"I'm bored. I'm 9 years old and I'm tired of masterbating already, what do I do?" Whiney little bastards.

You stupid kids have 80 more years of having to masterbate, because you won't be able to get a girlfriend, fuck buddy, or wife, and you are bored after ONE year? And don't expect it to get any better after you get married either. Odds are you get a few years of half-hearted vanilla sex while she is trying to trap you or have a baby*, then it's back to masterbating.(Why sombody would want to trap you? Don't ask me why) So, shut the fuck up and keep wacking off.

"What is happening to our young people? They disrespect their elders, they disobey their parents. They ignore the law. They riot in the streets inflamed with wild notions. Their morals are decaying. What is to become of them?" (Greek philosopher Socrates) Here's another one: "I see no hope for the future of our people if they are dependent on frivolous youth of today, for certainly all youth are reckless beyond words... When I was young, we were taught to be discreet and respectful of elders, but the present youth are exceedingly wise [disrespectful] and impatient of restraint" (Hesiod, 8th century BC).

That's almost 3,000 years ago. So assholes like me have yelling about you stupid kids for thousands of years, so don't take it personally, OK? Get a thicker skin, snowflakes.

So, let's try this again...

I don't have time to individually sit around and help each one of you fuck-ups masterbate. (You're getting so lazy you probably want someone to come over there and wack you off so you don't even have to lift your arm. Ain't gonna happen.)

So, here's what we're gonna do...
You're gonna read through the rest of this post, you're gonna go wack off in some special way, then you're gonna come back here and tell us what you did, how you did it, and what you were thinking. Then you're gonna go do it again and come back again. Get it? Check your spelling and grammer 'cuz we ain't no stupid, illiterate dipshits, are we?

The most helpful tip and the most fucked-up story might get a prize. Extra points for creativity.

Let's set some ground rules first.

Rules of the game: (what you expected this to be fun?)

Rule #1 The First Rule of fight club is, you don't talk about fight club. (CLUB WACK)

Rule #2 Don't Get Caught - Don't do anything illegal, a felony sexual offense on your record stays with you. It's not worth it, the person you are having sex with is not THAT good. (i.e. no kiddie porn, etc.)

Rule #3 Be Polite - don't be creepy and cause others to be grossed out by you, by word or deed (outside of CLUB WACK here, it's OK to be gross here but not out there).

Rule #4 Campsite Rules Apply - Leave the area as good or better than you found it. Whatever you do, don't leave a mess for someone else to clean up. Showers are good, make sure to rinse the tub. You may shoot an ARC, think artillary and trajectory, (Caution: Science Content, of course there's gonna be math with this one, we've got this down to a fuck'n science). Yes, there will be a test. Keep an eye on containment.

Rule #5 Change your Socks - "Used" socks and towels left under the bed get really gross. Ya, your Mom can smell it. Learn to use the washing machine. Rinse first then the washing machine. Don't make your Mom or Girlfriend deal with this. If you are always deluged, kleenex isn't enough, use paper towels, you can throw 'em away. Go clean it up NOW! GO!

Rule #6 Don't Stick Stuff Inside Your Dick - It's too easy to get infected and cause injury. You're a beginner and not ready for that yet, that's advanced degree shit. No death grips and no breaking skin.

Rule #7 Don't neglect your studies, your friends, girlfriend/wife/kids, etc. If you do, you have to visit W.A. (Wack-a-holics Anonymous)

Remember ARC - Always Remember Containment

Put on a condom - ARC! - You will also be a stud at the drugstore when you are buying condoms by the case. Wait until that cute girl is at the counter, don't be embarassed but don't react either. No, don't wink or have a stupid grin on your face either, dumbass. Get used to buying condoms so if you ever do get a girl, (someone who doesn't know what a dufuss you are), that you aren't too embarrased to get them. Embarrassment of buying a condom is nothing to the problems you have from her family if you get her pregnant.

Ok now to the good stuff, how about:
In between the mattress and box spring. Put lube inside the condom and don't get that crap on the mattress.
Fruits and some vegetables, no I still hate broccolli.
In the shower, use that pulse jet massager shower head.
Firm pillows
Some power tools have a particular vibration to them and are just the right height. Sanders, lawn mowers, jig saws, sazalls, sorting machines,... try to catch an old episode of Tool Time with a different perspective. (Be careful around grinding wheels. It's hard to clean up all that blood when you feel so woosy from blood loss.
Sticking a lubed finger up your ass can feel good. Make sure you have trimmed finger nails and no cuts or open sores.
Use two fingers instead of your whole hand, (on your dick, not in your ass).
Use the other hand or turn it the other way. (see above)

Now, go and learn something, make up something, be creative in your CLUB WACK activities, then come back here and share it with the rest of us stupid dipshits.

Questions? Comments? GO!

As I've said before:
For you young guns, put it down sometimes and spend some time to develop a personality. Become funny, charming, smart and thoughtful. You might be able to get a girlfriend and stop masterbating. (Until you get married and have to start masterbating again.)

(*no, I wasn't trapped so shut the hell up)


Booboo

Booboo / Woman / Likes Men / Single

P.S. Masterbating in Wal-mart is a no-no.
http://www.wdsu.com/news/24141800/detail.html

Stop it.

The leading cause of death for your age group is Motor Vehicle Crash. Drive Carefully!


Alwayshorny

Alwayshorny / Woman / Likes Men / Single

@BooBoo,

I've done most of the things you have suggested in your long and ignorant post. Rather immature eh?

I'm 16, but I also do not have enough time to involve myself in relationships. I take college classes, and probably have a higher IQ than you, so please stop.

Your funneh


Booboo

Booboo / Woman / Likes Men / Single

Yes, understood. How about you start us off. Tell us about some of your exploits, and maybe someone will share theirs with you.


Cal

Cal / Woman / Likes Men / Single

@BooBoo....perhaps before cursing and rambling off at the mouth about masturbation....maybe you should learn how to spell the word masturbation!


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